ego death?

I’ve been hearing the term “ ego death” being tossed around left and right on the internet but no one ever explained what it meant so im taking it upon myself to search up the true meaning, rather than relying on context clues and virtual osmosis 

Alright, let’s break it down. 

What is an ego? According to the Merriam-Webster dictionary, ego is defined as “the self especially as contrasted with another self or the world”. In the simplest words, it is : “ the opinion that you have of yourself.” Cool

Now what is death? Pretty self explanatory and intuitive but we know death as the finale of life, things , etc etc. Scary word, terrifying reality and completely unavoidable- sorry if you have thanatophobia. It’s coming whether you like it or not. 

Knowing these definitions broken down, we can conclude that ‘Ego Death’ is the loss of oneself. That is my definition. As a MSW student/ therapist in training and also a recent psychology graduate from UChicago, I wouldn’t say that this is a mental/ identity disorder. This feels more like a pop-psychology term that is thrown around to make sense of the effects of the  ever changing social-political-economic climate that is disrupting our lives. I mean- when we were younger, we were promised that if you go straight to college after high school, work hard, graduate , life would be sweet. You would be able to get the car you’ve always wanted. That job, the apartment, house , go to that destination spot that has been sitting on your vision board for years. We were promised these things as long as we kept our heads down, stayed out of trouble, were diligent and worked hard.  This obviously did not work as we can see:

– We have unnecessary wars

– Food is expensive and unsafe to eat

– debt is at an all time high

– Everything is expensive

– education is basically unobtainable because of how expensive it is and the cut in financial aid

-gas will cost you your first born and your left leg

-people are unemployed

-everything is expensive

-funding keeps getting cut

-cutbacks on federal programs made to support americans in need

-everything is expensive

-people keep cheating

-and the rich keep getting mf rich

Aint that a bitch 

No wonder why almost every tiktok video I see is about someone going through an ego death. The life we were promised was a FALLACY. A LIE. I’m currently going through one right now.

I’m in grad school but unemployed. I’m scrapping pennies to pay my rent. I see people my age going out, partying, wearing all the fancy heels and clothes, being iconic and I’m here wondering whether or not canned green beans are just as healthy as fresh green beans because produce and veggies  have become too damn expensive. I had big dreams for myself that I was hoping to accomplish but I feel like I’m just watching the clock and life pass me by. I feel hopeless. I feel scared. I feel completely lost. I’m worried but at the same time, I’m not? I feel like this is the phase in my life I’m supposed to go through and that one day, I will look back and thank God, my lucky stars, the universe and myself for not giving up. 

One thing that I’m trying to remind myself is that comparison is a thief of joy. I don’t know what the hell these people are doing in the background to live the lifestyle that they’re living but one thing I know for sure is that : this too shall pass.  Everything will be okay but for now, I’m just going to reevaluate myself, my goals, who I truly want to become, make a game plan, cross my fingers and hope that everything works out in the end. I will get out of this “ego death” phase.