home

I got lost on the way here, but it was not my fault. 

A slap on the face

My sense of direction is-

Too good to get lost

My dad was a taxi driver when he came to america. When we went on our once in a blue moon father-daughter “ dates” ( they were mostly errands but I loved to call it our special dates) he would show me how interconnected our small community was. How each street paved way to one another and how even though the signs might be a little hard to understand, you’ll always find your way back home. 

I never understood home. It was always chaotic and difficult to understand. I couldn’t decipher whether they loved or despised me. It took 16 years to realize that love comes in different forms and my home had a very funny way of showing it. By 17, my home finally learned how to love fully and beautifully, without blemish.

Ilostmyhometwoyearsagoonapril22ndmidnight

My home was selfish enough to leave me when I needed it the most. Anger and abandonment. How can anyone or anything be so cruel? You useless broken bones of the flesh, Home, I hate you! 

Forever will I look at the vast black void in the sky and wonder why me.  

 Home, I don’t need you anymore. 

Got off at a stop

I don’t know where I am but

It is a new place.

I found a home I could stay in. It gives me everything I need and provides whatever my heart desires.  Home is patient and kind. Home does not boast or envy. Home isn’t arrogant or rude. Home covers me in love. I spin in glee and shout joyously, kissing the floor of my new home. Blessing and ordaining it under a divine covenant. 

Our father in heaven, hallowed be thy name

Thy kingdom come 

Thy will be-

There’s an eviction notice on the door. Home is kicking me out.

But, you are my home.

mysafetymyconfidantpleasedon’tleaveme,stay.

It was never your 

Fault. It was never your fault

It was never your-

Fault. I got off the wrong stop again, but this time it was actually my fault. Home always  told me to use my head more than my heart. Your heart will only lead to broken dreams and disappointments. Life is already full of it, so why add more?  It’s my fault.I used my heart. Home was right.

The waves on the lake move so effortlessly. It doesn’t struggle to breath or get out of bed.

It doesn’t suffer in constant dull aching inevitable pain of death looming in its corner 

Crashing and Clashing. Rippling away on to the next wave, forgetting the past and the path it takes. 

It’s beautiful how the world came to be. Everything is made in perfect design. The stars continue to align with no guide. The sun, being unapologetic, provides warmth and comfort. Just like home. Home wouldve loved it here, i miss home 

I’m better,better

The sun is rising and

The waves are crashing

Life continues to selfishly move on for the better. I wish I could stop time and  continue to ponder on the “ what ifs” and be the hero in the story but that’s not how life goes. I learned that from my home. Though I lost my home and mistakenly barged into others for safety, I’ve realized that I never lost my home. It never left me.

I arrived at my 

New home. Peace and serenity

Now lives in me