In the past four years, I’ve met some of the most manipulative people in my life. I mean conniving, brilliant manipulators. And I say brilliant because each had a unique way of manipulating others—especially me—that was, honestly, incredible. I’d find myself looking at them, thinking, “Wow, you’re so talented at this.” But here’s the thing: once you see through their tactics, you realize they’re all the same. At the end of the day, they’re just… manipulators.
What fascinates me about these people is how calm and collected they are until you stop fitting into the version of you they’ve created in their heads. That’s when everything unravels.
The respect and kindness I showed them became tools they used to control me—until I made what they saw as a “wrong move” or a “user error.” That’s when the explosions happened. That’s when their triggers surfaced, and the masks came off.
As someone who studies psychology for fun, I’ve started looking at these experiences differently. Every manipulator I’ve encountered has become a case study—an opportunity to analyze behavior and understand human nature. And while it’s easy to focus on them, I’ve also learned a lot about myself in the process.
What I’ve Learned From Manipulators
Looking back, these experiences weren’t just about them. They also revealed parts of me I needed to confront and grow through.
Here’s what I’ve come to understand:
• Manipulators Gravitate Toward Empathy: If you’re naturally kind, respectful, and empathetic, you’re their ideal target. They thrive on your willingness to give, your desire to see the best in people, and your ability to forgive—even when forgiveness isn’t earned.
• They Build a False Version of You: Manipulators don’t see you for who you are; they see you as a character in their script. The moment you step outside the role they’ve assigned you, they crumble. It’s not your fault—it’s their inability to accept reality.
• Your Power Lies in Your Response: What I’ve learned is that their behavior doesn’t define me—my response does. And I’m still learning how to take back my power, stand firm in my truth, and walk away when necessary.
Recognizing the Patterns
One thing I’ve noticed about manipulators is how skilled they are at spotting vulnerabilities. They don’t approach with obvious tactics—they’re subtle. They observe you, learn your habits, and figure out what makes you tick. Then they use that information to get what they want. It’s not always malicious; sometimes, it’s just a way for them to feel in control.
But the impact on the person being manipulated can be overwhelming. It leaves you questioning your reality, doubting your instincts, and blaming yourself for their behavior. I’ve been there—caught in the spiral of self-doubt, wondering, “Did I overreact? Was it really my fault?” Spoiler: it wasn’t.
The key to breaking free is recognizing these patterns early.
Ask yourself:
• Does this person make you feel guilty for setting boundaries?
• Do you feel like you’re walking on eggshells to avoid upsetting them?
• Are their actions inconsistent with their words?
Once you start asking these questions, the answers will become clear.
When Manipulation Meets Growth
Here’s the thing about manipulators: they teach you about your boundaries, even if it’s through painful lessons. They force you to look inward and ask, “Why did I allow this? What can I do differently next time?” And while it’s not fair to be on the receiving end of their behavior, I can say this: I wouldn’t be the person I am today without these experiences.
Every manipulative encounter taught me:
1. To Set Boundaries: At first, I was afraid to say “no” because I didn’t want to upset people or seem unkind. But manipulators taught me that saying “no” is an act of self-care—not selfishness.
2. To Let Go of Guilt: Manipulators love to make you feel guilty for not meeting their expectations. It took time, but I’ve learned to release that guilt and remind myself that I don’t owe anyone control over my life.
3. To Prioritize My Peace: The older I get, the more I value peace over people-pleasing. If someone disrupts my peace, I no longer hesitate to walk away—even if it’s hard.
Taking My Power Back
I won’t lie—dealing with manipulators takes a toll. There were times I questioned myself, my worth, and my ability to trust others. But each time, I’ve come out stronger. I’ve learned to spot the signs earlier, protect my energy, and choose relationships that are built on mutual respect and authenticity.
One of the most liberating things I’ve done is to let go of people who no longer serve my growth. It’s not easy, and sometimes it hurts, but I’ve realized that holding onto toxic relationships does more harm than good. Walking away is an act of courage—a statement that you value yourself enough to prioritize your well-being.
If you’ve ever dealt with manipulators, let this be your reminder: you’re not alone. Their behavior isn’t a reflection of your worth—it’s a reflection of their insecurities and need for control. You deserve relationships that feel safe, supportive, and real.
How I’m Growing Through It
Healing from manipulation isn’t linear. There are days when I feel like I’ve moved on completely, and others when the memories resurface. But I’m learning to give myself grace. Growth doesn’t mean perfection—it means progress.
Here’s what’s helping me:
• Journaling: Writing down my thoughts has been a powerful tool for processing emotions. It helps me untangle the web of feelings manipulators leave behind.
• Therapy: Talking to a professional has given me the clarity and tools to navigate relationships moving forward.
• Self-Awareness: The more I understand myself, the less likely I am to fall into old patterns. Knowing my triggers and boundaries has been life-changing.
So here’s to the manipulators who’ve crossed my path. You’ve given me lessons I didn’t ask for but ones I’m grateful for nonetheless. And here’s to the growth and healing that came after.
With love and care,
Akosua ❤
Akosua diaries 
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